Anyway, I got in at about 3:50pm and took a seat. It's a small room, so there's only two chairs and a small coffee table with magazines on it. I just played on my iPhone while I waited. I could hear my chiropractor talking to her current patient. I was bored so I tried to listen. Something about camping. It sounds boring. Then, out of nowhere, the exit door sounds like it has been kicked in and a deep, bellowing male voice yells "GET ON THE FLOOR!"
I practically have a heart attack but somehow remain quiet. This is everything I have ever daydreamed of, and suddenly I have been thrown into it. I don't know what's going on but it doesn't sound good. I wonder why on earth someone would attack a tiny chiropractors office. They don't even have anything worth stealing unless you're after a comfy massage table or a model of a spine. But I didn't have time to think of that. I had two options. I could exit the waiting room and go in through the exit door...good plan there, I'm sure that would have gone incredibly well:
"excuse me, oh you have a gun...i best be off" OR I could go through the door that links the waiting room with the office...which is locked.
I think for a second, because a second is all I have. My heart is beating like a bitch and I wonder if you can die from adrenalin. I have no idea what is behind the door but I can tell from the cries behind the door that this gentleman was not invited.
I picked up one of the waiting room chairs, quietly, and I knock on the door three times. "WHO THE FUCK IS THAT?" he yells through the door. Now, I don't know how I managed this but I did and I am awfully proud of myself for it. I put on an old ladies voice "it's Beryl. My appointment was supposed to be at 3:45 and I'm in a terrible hurry." My heart continues to beat itself through my chest. Not even my hoodie can hide it. I hear the footsteps through the door...he is coming. The chair is in front of me, like a shield, its legs facing outwards. "STAY ON THE FLOOR" he yells, before unclicking the lock. WHAT THE FUCK AM I DOING I think to myself. I am Tim, standing not much taller than 6 foot and weighing mildly more than a female supermodel, I'm hardly someone to be feared. But adrenalin is a beautiful thing. The door handle turns and the door opens quickly. I charge straight through the door, plowing over the intruder. I might not weigh much but with the force I hit him he falls over backwards. The other patient screams while my chiropractor also looks like she is in shock.
It turns out the guy isn't built like a brick shithouse, so this is good for me. Maybe he weighed about 85kg? More than me, but not so much that would have rendered me useless. I had made him fall backwards. He had no gun, just a small knife. He takes a swipe from the ground and cuts my leg. It hurt, and a trickle of blood starts to stain my jeans. I bashed him again with the chair and then planted the leg down on his arm. That was for my jeans. I didn't know I could move that quick!!? The force on his arm makes him drop the knife, my foot kicks it away, and then swiftly kicks the guy in the head. He's a bit weaker now. I hit him again over the head with the chair and he looks as though he's about to pass out. "COPS NOW!" I yell at my chiropractor. She seems ok. She rushes to her desk and calls 000.
At this time, semi-unconscious-but-still-environmentally-aware intruder is lying on the ground. His eyes fixed on mine. I have the chair still, ready to strike if he tries to move. He tests me, by twitching his leg. I respond by kicking him in the ribs. Thankfully the guy stays down.
The cops arrived after that. The response time of Melbourne's finest is to be commended. I ended up down at the station, giving reports and the like. It turned into a long night and after all of that, I never got my neck crunched. I did get my leg bandaged though. The paramedic also said that she thinks my jeans could be quite easily fixed. I wasn't happy about the cut in them.
One thing I've learnt doing this? There's no drug like adrenalin. However, I do wonder how I'll get to sleep tonight.