About Me

Tuesday, October 16, 2012

God Is Real - an Atheist's Story

I am an atheist. Not necessarily by choice, but by the process of elimination really. There are quotes upon quotes and arguments upon arguments about why God doesn't exist - we wouldn't be in control of our own life, he wouldn't let Wars happen, there wouldn't be poverty, he would have killed Simon Cowell before he could put together One Direction. The list goes on. So it strikes me as a combination of humour, fear and messed-up-ness that my first real positive thought about God, that is, 'Maybe He exists', came while watching a science documentary.

God exists. He doesn't have time to answer every single American's prayers. He probably gets frustrated by the accent or the incorrect use of grammar, or just the wrongful spelling of words without the letter u. No, God is far too busy watching over the Magnetosphere that protects the Earth.

In short, the magnetosphere is the region surrounding the Earth, where the Earth's megnetic field is the dominant force. The Earth's magnetosphere has allowed life to flourish under its protection. One phenomenon that the magnetosphere protects us from is known as a CME, or a Coronal Mass Ejection.

A Coronal Mass Ejection is a huge release of matter and electromagnetic radiation from the sun's surface. This ejected material is composed mostly of electrons and protons, but also can contain smaller quantities of helium, oxygen and iron. When this matter is ejected towards the Earth, the Earth's magnetosphere blocks is from directly impacting the Earth. It is our shield, our first line of defence.

Here is an official image of how the magnetosphere may work:

This image displays how a CME has shot out from the sun towards the Earth. The Magnetosphere pushes this mass ejection around the Earth, preventing a direct hit. A direct hit could cause serious issues on Earth.

Another example of how a magnetosphere works was illustrated in the movie, I am Number 4.

Then there's the less informative illustration:


It's a pretty remarkable phenomenon and I think if we are going to believe in a God, then maybe this is his purpose. We haven't found life on any other planet and those that come close (Saturn's Moon Titan is one) have terrible conditions. Did you know it's really cold there and it rains methane? It's no wonder Titan doesn't have an Ozone layer. That being said, I wonder if there was life on Titan. Would they have cows? And would the cows fart Oxygen instead?

Maybe, just maybe, God doesn't care about American's on their own and he certainly doesn't care about the Red Sox winning another series. He doesn't care that there are far too many stupid reality TV shows and the fact that Lost finished with a stupid ending doesn't even register on his care list.
So if there's a God, it's likely that he is wearing white. It's a scientists coat because he's too busy checking the status of the magnetosphere and running experiments to see if it will stand up when the sun next has a hissy fit. He has a long beard because he doesn't have time for shaving and yes, he is wise, because he manages the magnetosphere.

God Bless Earth

Sunday, December 25, 2011

Maybe this is a new start?

Woah what's this? I'm blogging again...how did that happen?

I have been in London now for 225 days and what a blast I've been having. Sadly it's not all fun and games but there is humour in the wrongness of some things.

I think the saddest part of being an Aussie (or anyone really) on a visa is the lonely factor. I have great friends... I've connected with some people in a way that I never thought I could over here. Chris is a fine example. One of the hottest guys I have ever met happens to be one of my best mates, someone I would now take a bullet for. He was so nice to me when I first met him (one of the first guys I met when I moved here) and he even took me out to Gordon Ramsay's restaurant, Maze, for my birthday. Let it be known on record that he is someone I fucking love to death.

Sadly not all my experiences have been like that. I was talking about being lonely right? I mean, I've never been one for random hookups. Over here I have had a few. There are a number of hot guys. But could I just hook up with random guys for two years? HELL NO. That's just not me at all and I've gotten to the point where I'm over it. I want to fall asleep next to someone, my arm around them, waking up to see them and knowing that life is pretty sweet instead of that awkward feeling in the morning when one person kind of wants to get out of there (usually me).

I came across a person on Grindr today. He was 180kg (he looked it but was it really his picture?) and had a partner and was just looking for fun. I don't want to sound too defeatist but if a 180kg guy can be happily partnered then what am I doing wrong? SERIOUSLY.

Here's a short list of people I have met, where things haven't gone quite so right:

- Soon after getting here I met a lovely guy. I don't believe in love at first sight but I fell for him very quickly, as he seemed to fall for me too. Just your average boy next door, he was super cute and super nice. Sadly he was depressed and harboured a dark secret from his past that means we only send a text to each other every couple of months.

- I met someone else who was a terrible kisser and super religious. I only had a problem with the bad kissing bit but I think some of my "I dislike street preachers" comments put him offside. He only told me how religious he was after I had made such statements.

- I really liked another guy and he really liked me. I'm not an idiot, I know the signs. Sadly he admitted he had started to really like me and I should have just been a one night stand - he has a boyfriend of seven years.

- I hooked up with a guy who failed to tell me he was narcoleptic, so suddenly, half way through he just falls over and starts snoring. A deep sleep, unable to be woken up. After checking he was breathing and getting dressed I went home and then worried that if he died I could be in trouble. A call to the ambulance subsequently lead to them heading over and checking him out, and him later confessing he has a "minor sleep problem".

- I do like another guy, but for one reason or another some texts and voicemails don't get through to him. This guy is a really sweet man and as MUCH as I want something to happen between us, I can't get my hopes up. On the off chance this guy sees this, his name starts with S and rhymes with 'Horn'.

Some people will argue I am looking too hard. I'm actually not. But I also don't think it's wrong to really want something as opposed to just casual sex.

Until next time,

(I'll be the one that keeps your heart in the clouds)

Wednesday, May 18, 2011


I'm lonely, sittin' in London without my peers,
blasting out my music I'm a worry to those old dears
who sit behind me but I'm not a rapper, 'cos these lyrics no one steers
it's the calling of the pint, a chink, and "cheers"
and the beer goes down, because this problem can't be fixed by tears
having taken the shears to the savings I've had for years
but I'm ok, as I drown my sorrow and my fears
happiness is the liquid gold of seven beers.

Sunday, April 17, 2011

The Unfortunate End of Alcoholic April

So my plan to put on weight through the everyday consumption of alcohol fell through. A trip to the doctors last week resulted in a script for antibiotics and a stern warning of "No Tim, do not take alcohol with this."

Bit of an anticlimax aye?

Sunday, April 3, 2011

Day 3

April 3.
So I had to work today which is never a good start to a story when it's a Sunday.
Skipping past all that boring stuff I did have an amazing sleep last night which was necessary for the day ahead.

Work finished and I headed off to see Poet Laureate Telia Nevile at the Melbourne International Comedy Festival with a good mate of mine. Insert one Bulmer's cider before the show. Dinner followed this show at an Irish pub and a customary pint of beer (couldn't help myself, back to the Kronenberg) and then off to Curve Bar before seeing Danny Bhoy.

Two great shows, caught up with two good mates. My appetite is huge too. I might be onto something here.

The Stats:
Drink count: 8

Saturday, April 2, 2011

Day 2

April 2
I haven't had a drink yet, it's just shy of 7pm. I just finished dinner, a nice, big, juicy steak and vegetables. I'm still hungry. I've been hungry all day and I didn't skip lunch, nor breakfast, or morning tea, oh and I had an afternoon snack too. So I'm cooking the other piece of steak. That's dedication if you ask me.

Off to a friend's place soon for a couple of beers. I'm working tomorrow, and driving tonight, so it's responsible driving again. Start steady and build up right? Beer tonight: Stella Artois.

So I stuck to my two beers, and a shot of some purple spirit cooler. It was a good night. I'm also very thankful for the ending of daylight savings. Much appreciated extra hour of sleep there. Work today and Comedy Festival tonight so there will be a few social drinks later! Seeing Poet Laureate Telia Nevile and then Danny Bhoy later on.

The Stats:
Drink count: 5 (don't think the spirit cooler shot really counts at 12%)

Alcoholic April Day 1

Hi everyone,
I know it's been a while. There have been a lot of reasons why I haven't updated this lately. One of them is laziness. The other is that I received an anonymous tip off that the FBI were watching me. Turns out they weren't, it was just my neighbours' wifi.

So I've turned to alcohol in an effort to put on a bit of weight. This was brought on by my recent attendance at an event in which I looked super skinny and not cool. A look I have coined as "skiggly", it is the skinny side of ugly.

The Plan
Alcoholic April. It's a minimum of two alcoholic beverages every single night. I actually started on March 31 but who's counting!

Why not document my progress? The trials and tribulations, the issues that come with consuming alcohol. It's a lesson for us all on the dangers of alcohol and being too skinny.

So, here begins Day 1.

April 1.
It's April Fools day and everyone thinks I'm just messing about. I go through periods with alcohol where I drink a fair amount in one weekend and then nothing at all for 6 weeks. But this is not a joke.
Work drinks are organised (how convenient!) so I'm at the bar downing some beers. Only three. Kronenberg is one of my favourite beers. It is currently my preferred beer, but they all take turns at the top. So I'm drinking, responsibly, and I'm feeling really good. Alcohol is making me happy.

Then I got home safely (and under the limit I should add) and had a very late dinner somewhere around 10:30pm before heading to bed. Doesn't eating right before bed help you put on weight?

The Stats:
Starting Height: about 191cm
Starting weight: about 65kg
Drink count: 3