About Me

Monday, September 27, 2010

Dear Donald

I have this uncle who is a complete twat - to be nice about it. He's been causing family problems for years, not to mention the constant verbal attacks on me. I wasn't present at the last family function, but more stuff came out of his mouth. Upon hearing the stories that came out of this occasion I set out to locate his email address to send him the email below.

You will notice it is very much inspired by David over at www.27bslash6.com. If you haven't seen his blog before then best you do.

From: Tim
To: Donald
Subject: Hello

Dear Donald,

Let me first express my sincere apologies for being unavailable at the recent family function on Father's Day. I did hear that you were quite upset at the small number of family members who could not be in attendance. I am quite sure my presence was missed as I usually always bring a smile to the room. Sometimes two. I like to share.

How are things going up in Sunbury? I do hope the weather is mildly better than here in Maribyrnong. How is your job going too? I have been working hard and a change of industries is imminent. I have been working on a super secret project but I suppose since we are family I can let you in on the secret. I have spent the last 4 months and $2200 developing a tartan paint. Think of the possibilities. We could team up and rule the world. All of the Cobra Car Club would look super swank in their tartan coloured Cobra's. Everyone would flock to see what the fuss was about. Top Gear would then probably wonder what all the fuss was about and they would perform time trials in various tartan-coloured cars to determine whether there is a nexus between the percentage of red paint on a car to its overall speed.

I do know it has been quite a while since we have caught up and conversed. I hope that this email goes some way to bridging the gap, rebuilding the bridge that started falling apart 10 years, 6 months and 20 days ago.

I have created a picture for you to hold on to. I never got to draw you a picture as a young child so hopefully this ticks something else off my bucket list. It is both cleverly put together and informative. It shows the evolution of man. I have included one other column as to how I think we will evolve next. It has not been proven yet by scientists but that is probably because they are too busy and do not quite have the vision that I have.

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