Rap-sody

I'm lonely, sittin' in London without my peers,

blasting out my music I'm a worry to those old dears

who sit behind me but I'm not a rapper, 'cos these lyrics no one steers

it's the calling of the pint, a chink, and "cheers"

and the beer goes down, because this problem can't be fixed by tears

having taken the shears to the savings I've had for years

but I'm ok, as I drown my sorrow and my fears

happiness is the liquid gold of seven beers.

The Unfortunate End of Alcoholic April

So my plan to put on weight through the everyday consumption of alcohol fell through. A trip to the doctors last week resulted in a script for antibiotics and a stern warning of "No Tim, do not take alcohol with this."

Bit of an anticlimax aye?

Day 3

April 3.

So I had to work today which is never a good start to a story when it's a Sunday.

Skipping past all that boring stuff I did have an amazing sleep last night which was necessary for the day ahead.

Work finished and I headed off to see Poet Laureate Telia Nevile at the Melbourne International Comedy Festival with a good mate of mine. Insert one Bulmer's cider before the show. Dinner followed this show at an Irish pub and a customary pint of beer (couldn't help myself, back to the Kronenberg) and then off to Curve Bar before seeing Danny Bhoy.

Two great shows, caught up with two good mates. My appetite is huge too. I might be onto something here.

The Stats:

Drink count: 8

Day 2

April 2

I haven't had a drink yet, it's just shy of 7pm. I just finished dinner, a nice, big, juicy steak and vegetables. I'm still hungry. I've been hungry all day and I didn't skip lunch, nor breakfast, or morning tea, oh and I had an afternoon snack too. So I'm cooking the other piece of steak. That's dedication if you ask me.

Off to a friend's place soon for a couple of beers. I'm working tomorrow, and driving tonight, so it's responsible driving again. Start steady and build up right? Beer tonight: Stella Artois.

*UPDATE*

So I stuck to my two beers, and a shot of some purple spirit cooler. It was a good night. I'm also very thankful for the ending of daylight savings. Much appreciated extra hour of sleep there. Work today and Comedy Festival tonight so there will be a few social drinks later! Seeing Poet Laureate Telia Nevile and then Danny Bhoy later on.

The Stats:

Drink count: 5 (don't think the spirit cooler shot really counts at 12%)

Alcoholic April Day 1

Hi everyone,

I know it's been a while. There have been a lot of reasons why I haven't updated this lately. One of them is laziness. The other is that I received an anonymous tip off that the FBI were watching me. Turns out they weren't, it was just my neighbours' wifi.

So I've turned to alcohol in an effort to put on a bit of weight. This was brought on by my recent attendance at an event in which I looked super skinny and not cool. A look I have coined as "skiggly", it is the skinny side of ugly.

The Plan

Alcoholic April. It's a minimum of two alcoholic beverages every single night. I actually started on March 31 but who's counting!

Why not document my progress? The trials and tribulations, the issues that come with consuming alcohol. It's a lesson for us all on the dangers of alcohol and being too skinny.

So, here begins Day 1.

April 1.

It's April Fools day and everyone thinks I'm just messing about. I go through periods with alcohol where I drink a fair amount in one weekend and then nothing at all for 6 weeks. But this is not a joke.

Work drinks are organised (how convenient!) so I'm at the bar downing some beers. Only three. Kronenberg is one of my favourite beers. It is currently my preferred beer, but they all take turns at the top. So I'm drinking, responsibly, and I'm feeling really good. Alcohol is making me happy.

Then I got home safely (and under the limit I should add) and had a very late dinner somewhere around 10:30pm before heading to bed. Doesn't eating right before bed help you put on weight?

The Stats:

Starting Height: about 191cm

Starting weight: about 65kg

Drink count: 3

My Song

So I tried my hand at writing a poem of sorts. I'm not a literature guru, and I'm pretty sure this poem doesn't follow any poem logic. There's no a+b=c here. But let me know what you think.

-------------------------------

Finally home, a hard day with the family. The house sits, still, in darkness. I am alone.

The silence is addictive. I sit, motionless on the couch, staring at my laptop screen. It plays the softest of music. It is my song. But there is peace.

My thoughts are mellow. My muscles relaxed. My phone turned off. Cool water in hand.

The gentle beat of the music gives my breathing rhythm. I am alone, but I am happy. I simply exist.

But then you interrupt me. Your presence drags on my heart like a couch being dragged along floorboards.

How did you find me. I want to know, but I care not to ask. Your voice in my head drowns out my song. It is not soft.

The rhythm is gone. My muscles become tense. Simple, basic thoughts have turned to anxiety. I cannot cope.

I run. Both physically and mentally. My mind is scattered. You have caught me off guard.

My breathing, once rhythmic and easy is now not. It hurts. It pushes out air as quickly as it takes it in. You have taken over me.

I run faster, but time catches up on me. I am exhausted. Deep breaths. The worry has not passed.

I am alone. The only constant I know. The air is still and quiet, but I am not at peace. There is nothing calming here.

I return home. My breathing slowing down. I smile. I am fine. But I am not. Like the facade of peace in the night air I am not what I seem.

I am alone. I sit, staring at myself in the mirror. I know this person, but he has changed. His song has lost its rhythm.

Silver Lining

I've been listening to a new album a lot lately. Happiness by Hurts. One song in particular seems to have me hooked and it is called Silver Lining.

Upon reflection, it made me think of a certain few things from my past that possibly tell me who I really am inside. See, I think I give off a vibe that I don't care. I know some people perceive this, maybe more than those that I know of.

There's a storm on the streets, but you still don't go
Watching and waiting for the rain to come.
And these words wouldn't keep you dry
Or wipe tears from an open sky,
But I know, but I know, but I know I'm right

Even when I know trouble is about to happen, I can't run away from it. I have to be there, in the thick of it all. It's not just about me standing there telling people "I told you so." It's being there because ultimately someone needs me...and I can help.

And I won't let you drown, when the water's pulling you in
I'll keep fighting, I'll keep fighting.
The rain's going to follow you wherever you go.
The clouds go black and the thunder rolls
And I see lightning, and I see lightning

I had to wait, I couldn't run because without me you would die. Or everything would go to shit and I'm never going to stop until things are fixed and in their rightful order again. Things are never going to be perfect though. Not even my sunny disposition can stop the rain or the errors that are being made. All I can do is keep standing by, someone who helps people, but wants to looks like he's not. I do it in the background, I keep to the shadows.

When the World surrounds you, I'll make it go away
Paint the sky with silver lining.
I will try to save you, cover up the grey
With silver lining

I'll be there to help when you've got no way out. But it's a band-aid fix because we're only adding a second coat to the sky, one that's a slightly prettier colour than just grey. They don't make grey jewellery, it is silver. It's got a bit of shine to it.

I guess I'm the guy who wants to fix things, knows he can't, but he can prevent things from getting worse.

That's probably the most self reflection I've ever gotten from a song.